External Data manipulation time…

Ok, using this as a means to help me work through a problem, if you are interested in how I think, please read on, if you aren’t interested in the process itself, I would not advise trying to read this one. It is thought fragments as often as sentences, minimal expression of key ideas while my background processes slog away on what I keep prodding them to do. Not sure how I like the result, guess I will see if it gets views or comments, but it shows tangents, shows connections in a way, but a lot of the time I do not have to articulate a thought when it is well vetted and known to me, and that is going to leave a distinct lack of context to some of these thoughts, which means open to more misinterpretation, here is hoping.

Going to try and actually free write this as much as possible, not even going to look at the screen, it must get beyond editing for this to be worthwhile for me. So what is bugging me? Myers-Briggs is what is bugging me, Something is off and I think it is because not everything is a polemic…I think that is it, crap words eluding me again on this..think think think, letting the ole background processes run here a sec, no verbal, no anything but passive sensory absorption, all quiet on the prefrontal cortex front so to speak, damn digressing, back to it, what is it I am flip flopping on, emotion vs feeling, prospecting vs judging, what are the functions, rational vs feeling, rational vs emotional…emotional is grounded, feeling is tied to memory, emotion is now, immediate physical response even if the threat is not immediate.  Rational, breadth it is breadth, empathy is irrelevant to rational, rational cold, rational empathetic/compassionate, what is the connection here, it is three dimensional, if I could just render it in three dimensions it would make more sense.  Empathy as a spectrum, bleeding heart to self only, empathy is a spectrum, not a polemic you favor one or the other, what are the underlying neurological functions that are the basis for empathy, must study, but empathy is a social function, if I see the brain as social survival, object survival, so the abstract and conscious mind and the animal mind, the mind bent on dealing with objective reality, where am I going with this…background process………….ok empathy as a spectrum, can be bad if not treated if one has empathy only for self or immediate things connected to his/her object survival, rational model for empathy can work, if one is rational, what are the results of irrationality, damn does not work, demeaning phrase, the dichotomy as is feels uncomfortable, missing something still…what else about empathy….background process…..try it this way, empathy as a spectrum, biological basis, can be impacted by physical and emotional trauma, mental illness, how does mental illness and empathy meet, the internalization of self destructive impulse vs the externalization, lashing out for lashing oneself, I lashed myself, but eventually would lash out, wounded, animal instinct, emotions ruling where rationality wants too. High empathy, high empathy and rationality = compassion over intense feelings for one individual, spiritualism basis…health and understanding for all, but that just goes back to the great teachers correlations of mine, divergent thought, get back on track…empathy intersects with other polemic baselines how? Prospecting and judging, what are they, prospecting looks out at the pattern and tapestry of understanding, finds correlations, reduces them down tot the context, limiting choices until concluding course of action, sees multiple choices in any given situation and must distill those down, tools like Occam’s razor useful in more efficiently deducing, deduction, intersects with logic, hold that thought, back to judging, judging, more ground in here and now vs prospecting, sees the immediate object reality, understands the situation as life programming dictates, then learns to expand, ask questions to ensure the veracity of their initial judgement, builds from that point out.  What is this then, decision making, how we determine a course of action, mental approach to problem solving…maybe, unsure, will play with that some more.  okokokokokokokokookokoko…okay next empathy as it intersects with those, what do we see, how would this unfold, each aspect would then have two sub aspects, function of empathy as related to ones ability to use deductive or constructive approaches to problem solving…background process…..why does it matter, is it relevant or should this be rational vs feeling  am talking about, my notion may be off, trace the origins here, thinking vs feeling, thinking is an activity, feeling seems to me to be a function of memory in the form of stored connections to emotional moments, emotions, bichemical, immediate, now….thinking, can’t be thinking, rational, favoring reason and therefore thought over immediate emtoional response, common areas of human conflict, emotional and judging with low empathy, breaks bad, moral imperative to raise right, emotional, judging, and high empathy breaks self, self-devalues, internalizes fault, intense dislike of self when broken, morale imperative still in place, exiling a certain personality type to essentially a metaphorical hell do to devalue difference, morally reprehensible….not need moral lessons right now, dislike even letting them creep in here, knowledge of audience impacting thoughts process here, may have ot suck it up, moral perspective in place and all, craptacular….break, liquid nutriment and damn nicotine addiction, need time away from family, cannot risk any temper relapse, damn, hijacked my martyr complex again, will continue to do so, must ensure faulty bullshit on the ole system is found and removed, ugh do not want to re-read everything, re-think all my thoughts I can recall to this point, must, any remaining faulty bullshit needs to be put into perspective, easily identified, good and bad dichotomy, vs moral action, judgement check, another decent tool, tangent, need break…no do not need, addiction desires, freaking powerlessness sucks, got it’s number, inevitable, but must make time, decade to long, too long already…bitter, 11 year olds smoking not cute…damage…brb…

Gone too long, going to edit to get thoughts back on track with prior thought process, frustrations needed some addressing for a few mins to get myself back in the ballgame.

thinking is mathematics and probability as primary informant for decisions, even if not using numbers, feeling, feeling is relying on past experience in an emotional context, favors past experience over odds, informed by past events, vs informed by probability of knowledge of the situation.  “have I seen this before?” vs “I’ve seen this before”, no maybe not, confusion, bleeding into prospecting and judging again, dislike the blurred lines, need to reduce this further, what am I getting at, come brain you can do this, your the one chewing on this so hard my jaw is clenched…what is it? Forgetting to ask why, why is empathy important? Allows for the function of a collective consciousness held by individual consciousness, why, empathy allows for the value of the whole over the value of the individual, social function. Important difference, not bad, lack of empathy can be troublesome, but not broken, extreme polemic, values self, enlightened self interest, rational model for empathy, looping back to earlier thought, no longer an irrelevant tangent, too intrusive, what is it then, explore this thought, understanding psychopathology, how does it relate? Rational self empathy only vs feeling self empathy only. Self empathy in form of emotions, feelings when something did not happen, baseline lends itself naturally to growth over time, understand others emotions even if not wholly valuing of them, potential damaged result? speculation, what would that mind look like, how would that damage show itself, other factors, thoughts, types of trauma, internalized fault or ok with difference and nihilistic, despair, damn it, feelings are hurt, angry, no empathy, would not feel bad about acts that devalue life, with damage, hyper vigilance, inflated probability of negative consequence or reaction, possible paranoia, does not get all emotional reactions, confused, would have to learn, adapt or hide at some point, how does this compare to the rational, rational is less reactionary more methodical, limited baseline for growth into feeling naturally and healthily without modeling behaviors, possible result, cold and distant, calculated,healthy enough to understand enlightened self interest but skewed towards self preservation when harmed, what else, come on what else …..extreme damage, would need rational motive or fractured thought, schizophrenic break, blurred reality or distorted reality, would focus on a cause, reason, serial killers or individuals who target and expect to not survive specific areas that caused trauma. Feeling, terror, inflicts emotional and psychological harm with intent, in form of serial killer, mocks authorities, rational mind leaves clues to be caught more likely or nothing at all, motivations are different, unless needing validation, damn, gets complicated but can be reduced down more readily, I know it can… just need context to put that profile into perspective.  What am I doing, I am trying to de-obfuscate core functions of human thought, identify where mental illness may be the actual underlying reason for confusion. Enneagrams, enneagrams looked at one the other day, one personality seemed geared to inherent negativity, even a psychopath finds joy, what does this inform me, and other correlations too, but not now, become tangents, kids are not born broken barring severe underlying neuropathy, that is passing judgement on difference, difference is imperative in the individual social group dynamic, it is the essence of progress, difference, different approaches, angles, perspectives..historical correlations, innovation along trade routes, east meets west, exchange of ideas, negative side of difference, fear, devalue what is feared, dehumanize, false dichotomies, war, trauma, blame, miscommunication, difference demeaned makes people mean, must communicate, must figure out how to show difference as valuable to our species, how do you get people to understand the need to understand their own baseline way of thinking when they are the dominant majority, how? must market, marketing is bad, propaganda, forced internalization of faulty wants and needs to sell a product, techniques are key to healing world too, the corporations must embrace ethical marketing, get people to value difference, buy for others not just for self, expand the social space, make room, celebrate, better utilize difference. Unhappy employees = waste of assets and potential, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, meet those needs, all humans just for being human, tech is available, can do this, lack will or motivation, devaluing, wants handouts, incapable, less capable, those who can’t teach, misunderstanding of value, art has value, nurture has value, the shaman and the priest have value, the skeptic and scientist, the athlete, the mathlete, all have value, must make room, fewer do’ers in the world then folks think, Imperial China, test to find empirical thinkers, or rational thinkers, or a host of other traits useful for running a bureaucracy.  Damn it, no tying this back in, why the moral tirade? because the devaluation of difference is the fundamental driving force behind mental illness and the failure of any single society to successfully integrate all difference, even egalitarian societies often have means of expunging members unsuitable for the tribe or society, or they become shamans, that works too, high rate of schizo-typical traits amongst that lot, makes sense, minds not geared to understanding the unknowable must try and know, when unable to know, can break, that break facilitates the acceptance of socio-cultural notions of what is going on at the expense of self…maybe, interesting thought….still functional in society, John Nash Sr. another example, own quote about the mathematical and the spiritual what was that, blurred reality, visual manipulation and auditory manipulation good enough to intrude realistically into field and view of object reality. When unable to sustain that sort of break, somatoform seems likely, all people have tactile manipulation capabilities as an inherent part of neurological function and movement of the body. Look there for answers, somatoform as trauma, results vary, minor issues to severe, how does hyper-tactile impact this, how does hyper vigilance impact this, what are we seeing underneath all the damage, we must know the base functions, we must expand education, like two different species in one genetic soup at times, but beyond two, so many more, baselines diverging, the array of ways the brain can work it’s way around a problem is substantial, that difference is of extreme existential importance, uniform thought patterns would inhibit the ability to work around things, species imperative to communicate and value difference, fears, AI, fears, encountering another sentience while damaged as we are, or have we? when do chimps and dolphins qualify, my understanding, sentience or some word more fitting, the denotative vs connotative meaning here is clunky for me, get’s personal context, understands personal context, animals do not understand personal context, have emotions but limited empathy based on socialization needs, rational approach, autism and animal connections as rational response to hyper-sensory perceptions, asperger’s varies based on the empathy spectrum, greater human empathy coupled with rational and logical observation of animals, think like an animal, understand the fear, lack empathy, accidental harm, failure to see signs of distress, anger over the animal’s reaction when young, could break in a bad direction.  Getting tired, still not pulling this together like I wanted, so much background noise, I have to separate the functions from the trauma and the trauma is everywhere, it is extensive.  Folks laugh at the use of words like dystopia, but when huge swaths of the population have to lie to themselves or each other just to ensure access to the assets they need to survive, and then so fail to understand how difference has value as to see most of it a neuropathy, and even if it is, should not be deterministic of ones joy…baseline, little bit of fate, once you know that little bit, all growth, your direction, your joy, your focus, healthy human endeavor. Mental illness, the elephant upon who’s back the earth is currently supported on, cannot demean difference, must teach children the value of difference, examples of collaboration and individual genius for example, the debate on do we need or have we truly needed genius vs collaboration, both people, both have value, genius is the direction of the questions, the daring thoughts, current academia stifles genius, publish or perish, avoid the “lunatic fringe”, should always be testing but not to the point that it is, academics need to be able to put out bad ideas and not have their career destroyed, inhibits novel thought, we must embrace more failure, but failure is seen as a waste of resources, hard to quantify the intangible benefits of learning from one’s mistakes which seems so asinine, since anyone who looks back at their life should realize how many important life lessons were freaking mistakes, especially physical or emotionally painful ones.  Which connects to corporal punishment, pain as punishment, pain to reinforce a lesson, must ensure lesson is connected to event, must react immediately or lecture later, pain to reinforce, how does that child learn, if pain must be repeated, pain is not how they learn, pain is immediate, quick, appropriate only for grievous harm or existential threat…fork in the electrical outlet, smack that hand, fork into a couch cushion, verbally correct or take the fork away, do not associate pain with ones difference either, tell the truth, get blamed for lying, get hurt, two options: higher empathy, take the pain and continue to bear the brunt of it when you can, lower empathy, lie to avoid the pain, self valuation of survival becomes important. Baseline personalities and inherent epistemologies when connected to socio-cultural, family, friends, social network, etc. provides a baseline profile on what, on why someone broke, how they think, true, easy enough to see those patterns, I understand where informed educated profiling becomes a tool of discrimination in the hands of those who are…not intuitive, trained in micro- expressions, unable to de-obfuscate hyper inflated probability, hyper vigilance from media bias? Officers need to be tested on intuition, ability to read and recognize facial expressions and emotions, lacking these functions is going to be an underlying cause in many potentially avoidable police homicides. Should be able to be trained if officers have a healthy baseline, damaged, ones who cannot see and value difference will scoff, will not hear, will not implement…but if the public has a will to see these skillsets in all officers, allowing them to read situations quickly and make proper judgments to de-escalate, then we have civil protectors again instead of law enforcement, hold outs will self select out over time, performance, actions, or changing atmosphere, unsure of impact on multi-generational families, cultural and genomic differences, host of other facts, difference between families, vary by type.  Must allow more room for difference, must identify broken people not evil people, seems so simple but folks do not get it, it is huge to truly understand that not even the psychopath is born evil and immoral, just extremely egocentric and inherently amoral, and that may not be great news, but it is still informative, what we see as a great social evil incarnate, is not inherently evil at all, just…wow, getting them old enough in a healthy manner to get enlightened self interest, damn that is a hard road, no family could be expected to tackle that on their own, takes a village to raise a child, it is more than shared physical burden and endeavor, it is exposure to different thinking, if you devalue the difference in a child you injure that child, you break that child, and then everything we see after, all the data we collect, all the correlations that we see, will be distorted by this damage, we must nurture all difference if we even hope to truly identify all the underlying causes….well we see these 8 genes in schizophrenia blah blah blah, well I bet ya do, why though? Are those 8 genes that make you miserable and go crazy, or are they associated with sensory function, sensory manipulation, rational vs feeling, what do they link too, what is the function? Is it underlying neuropathy and thus a factor of just nature, or is it more because it is obfuscated by a seemingly unique ability for our species to nurture in a way that is harmful and damaging to us at times.  Nature becomes pure biological determinism, you are born bad, broken, or whatever, not your fault but it has to be fixed, as a result of not being your fault though, you still get to struggle and barely subsist if listed as crazy….wtf? seriously, exactly how is that a recipe for anyone’s mental health? it is not even a satisfactory level of subsistence, ergo Maslow, not getting to the other shit that needs to be gotten done, good job everyone, ignore the underlying causes apply half-assed solutions and we get to grow the problem and scratch out heads wondering about inter-generational poverty and mental illness, ok getting a lil sarcastic right there. But it gets back to obfuscation of empirical data and understanding when we confuse difference in thinking and learning as neuropathy when it is maladpative to the current social climate and means of subsistence, that is all.  Ok I am done, this going to just be more rambling soon, the last bit here was not as much free writing as I like but open questioning, I find it informative to re-read this and see what path my thoughts followed, figure out where I forgot to connect back a thought or two, and grow from it, can I hammer half formed hypothesis into something sensible, I mean if I want too I can argue almost anything as possible given the write context, a tool easily abused, and often abused without intent when folks cannot test the veracity of their thoughts and claims. Insight, this is all, new approaches, keep attacking the ideas at all angles, get to the bottom, chip away at it until the very essence and very basic function is revealed, but reduced in a way people can freaking get, It should not be given out only in the form of academic jargon, the very act of that makes it exclusionary by nature, the Myers-Briggs appeals in that is was designed for normal people to pick up on, inform them about themselves, etc. Reason it is loved in corporations all over, folks who know their baseline way of thinking, can freaking communicate better, they can hear shit better and not just react to it out of pain and bias.  So many patterns, I cannot remember names, I lump together my philosophers into big chunks, but that is ok, because historically other people have seemed to have done that too, to the point it is sometimes hard to know which voice actually spoke what, because at the end of the day, it is the ideas that the people remember, I am not worried about my name living on, I worry about my ideas not finding use, that even when I follow a few correlations in the wrong direction for a bit, it is inevitable that when the flaws are exposed I will go back and fix that shit, perfectionism is a trait I have in abundance, and since what I do is freaking think, yeah, damn right I am gonna fix the faulty crap as a come across it, but don’t blame me for failing or seeking a wrong lead, we all do it, and I can do it at a very rapid rate, and when informed, when I can communicate with direct questions to people on subjects they are knowledgeable in, it becomes so much easier, thus the importance of the academic community, my love hate with it, I want to be in it, I want the minds on that campus to intersect over and over again with my own thoughts and understanding, but I don’t work well in rules and paperwork, I do not work well with deadlines and tenure threats and crap down my neck, I am too easily overwhelmed, and I had to do extreme damage to myself to not be overwhelmed in a way folks could notice, instead I internalized the hell out of that stuff to the extreme detriment of my own ability to trust my own body movements, damn it people, we gotta catch the difference young so as to foster, nurture and allow the differences to find meaning in life, and the current educational paradigm is not flexible enough for this, we know certain things need to be taught, but sometimes the way we teach it does not work for shit for some ways of thinking. I keep going back to my dislike of the Landmark college designed notebook system used in some schools to teach organization, it is a one size fit all approach, which works well for those apparently struggling with any organizational skills, but is pissed me off to watch already organized kids struggle with an organization system that was foreign to them, we were inhibiting their ability to organize, because we forced a method not designed for them onto them, you break people when you force them to fit a mold for the sake of expedience.  Folks see the schools often as waste of assets, why? this is damage, why is this damage? it is damage because people have a fractured sense of community, any given individual, since the means of production are mostly held in the hands of a few wealthy, do not see that person as important to their existential survival, the failure to recognize human endeavor vs production and wealth, ergo educating a person who has no “impact” on your existence is easy, especially if rational with lower empathy, but that is egocentric minimalism or something that feels like that, what do I mean? I mean it is the devaluing of difference, as a result of this, folks different have less value, you value humans based on utility, with not direct connection by which to foster increased empathy, cannot see how they connect to their existence, degrees of separation are too far, but that is faulty reasoning, all human endeavor by a healthy human mind should have a positive impact far more often than not, sure folks screw things up, miss things, but communicating and having folks with different ways of thinking collaborate together…oh what is this, difference helps ensure fewer mistakes? Social functions, collective knowledge of a species in the form of the record and in socio-cultural behaviors coupled with the advantages of the individual inherent epistemology that varies a great deal to fuel difference, instead of a queen, drones, etc you have a vast tapestry of difference, it should not be biological determinism, alpha, beta, gamma, bah…some people will find their joy in these various areas, but some will seek new routes, new avenues, self determination is as important to foster, biological determinism becomes an excuse to stunt growth from a biological baseline in my opinion, we need the difference.  Ok stopping here, tired for real now, guess I should tag it a wee bit. Crap, parting thought, education stand point, students embarrassed by difference, we need to let the teachers share and advocate that difference, if the other children cannot understand and thus value the difference, even if embarrassing at first for the child, it is better to live with and understand that difference, than to try and let them break themselves trying to fit in to a dominant way of thinking that is just never going to be the right fit for them, but cruelty in kids is reinforced behavior, the parents trauma or ignorance, or whatever passed down, we have to break that cycle and replace it, we do folks, that does not mean we have to agree on everything, does not mean the person of faith must break that faith, but they at least need to allow folks to the right to self determination even when they disagree, I identify as an atheist for example, I do not believe there to be enough evidence to support the notion of the popular idea of interventionist deities. Does that mean I am correct? no, it does not, but I do not understand the unknowable, I need context to understand things to connect it to my understanding of what I already have learned, I must question, I must understand all I can, I am ravenous for knowledge on just a crazy unfocused amazingly fun level when I am able to find the time to enjoy my curiosity, obeying social norms I find stupid, really harshes my metaphorical melon, no offense the back of a strong bench can survive my foot for a minute to look at something from a better angle, or whatever, it is not disrespectful in my mind unless you are damaging, leaving mud on it, etc clean your shoe off first, be courteous but be curious, without new perspective, our world would always be the same, how boring is that idea to me? horrifying, yet I am so overwhelmed by sensory data at times I often do not wish to go out and explore that…damn hyper-vigilance because folks see some behaviors as threatening that are not inherently threatening…maladaptive…damn went off again, this is a long mess of a post, but since it is like working on a blackboard or something, external working memory in a way, I am fine with that, and folks who are curious about other ways of thinking can get a really bad idea of how I think, so much easier in video, so much easier in person, so much context to be found in facial expression and body language, the animal instinct in conflict the the veneer of civility at times, gotta realize we are all a mix of both, and when our animal side is hurting we react like a wounded animal, but when our conscious side is damaged and is not even thinking right anymore, our reactions become so much worse than a wounded animal, we get mass murder, genocide, serial killers, child abuse, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, the list goes on…wounded animals lash out and may attack the current source, wounded sentience destroys that source of the pain as identified by them, and that can be based on subjective bias and faulty context, not just the immediate, physical object reality the animal experiences, and that is some truly horrific stuff. Ok stopping for real now, seriously, not gonna even edit the spelling, which is all I was doing anyhow, not much free writing if I rearrange sentences and such when the point was to get some thoughts out in a way that is insightful to how I think, but it is pretty horrible still, damn it is hard to share and conceptualize somethings at times.


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