This was almost a facebook post…oops, too much

DISCLAIMER: This post is actually a Facebook response I felt got too long for that forum as it also ties back into things I have said already, but it shows a better structure to some of my thoughts, so it is useful.

My poor blog is a hideous mess of not half formed hypothesis, but logical correlations that are so freaking messy I have trouble sorting them out, which is why I blog them, more an open diary just in case object reality suddenly and permanently ends my stream of consciousness, which would be most unfortunate as I am just now getting to the most exciting part of my life.  Most of my focus is on human communication, the notion of finding parity in conversations between individuals and groups by understanding their ways of knowing things (epistemologies) and we have two sources for knowing things, one is the inherent way we are going to think at conception (I favor science here, but honestly the soul works just as well, fairly indicative of being useful to more than a few) and the other ways are Socio-cultural in origin, the shared knowledge, experience, traditions, and values of the society we are born into.  And right now, with no more room for different ways of thinking to escape, like the Puritans to the US, Mormons to Utah, etc (of course there was not any room to actually escape, de-valuing indigenous peoples coupled with disease artificially created a space), but today it is even harder, and the results are very bloody, but I digress, often actually. So, right now I am trying to integrate the work done by the folks who developed the Myers-Briggs test to understand what I call our baseline way of thinking, because many of us internalize the socio-cultural stuff to our detriment in what is usually an earnest effort to not cause disharmony, becomes a catch 22 often because of faulty context, what is lying behavior in one child is not in another, some body language is cultural, some is found in all humans, and some are natural to one way of thinking and different too another.  I avoided this stuff for years because I perceived psuedoscience, it is just solid logical deductive reasoning based on correlations and some empirical data. Currently, I am trying to integrate that model with a better understanding of the neuroscience currently around, such as breaking down metabolically why introversion and extroversion exist as we see it and why the strongest correlation is in the form of socialization, my theory has it as the result of a simple equation, I am bad at manipulating numbers and such, but I am decent at qualitative math equations, and a person in any given situation is taking in sensory data from their surroundings and processing it, data transmitted via human communication is both very complex and has a naturally high processing priority as a function of survival as a social creature, but there are other processes going on as well, and these are our closer to objective sensory inputs, sights, sounds, etc.

The extrovert can process data faster or at the same rate usually as it is taken in, intelligent extroverts take in a lot of data and process it in real time, and this might not just be intellect, their is intelligence behind a nurturer or an athlete as well. LIkewise, a “less”, how I dislike the word, intelligent extroverts may not take in as much data for some reasons, of course we call it “less” because it is a measure of value, we need our solid, here in the now, get crap down folks too and their focus and attention to detail, even if it is limited in scope compared to others, is fantastic human endeavor, and never “less” because of it.

The introvert takes in data faster than they can process it, this has no correlation to intellect, it is just a difference between the two, one can be of high intellect and need a tremendous amount of processing time because they suffer from hyper sensory conditions, in my case as a “high-functioning autistic” person as currently defined (i.e. abnormal and faulty and not just a different way of thinking being maladaptive to this time and place) and thus needs a lot of time and energy to process the data, something impossible to do if they are still taking in more data than they can process, it becomes a function of metabolism. In my case it becomes debilitating as a result of childhood complex PTSD, but currently autism spectrum kids and in the past for being so different become targets, de-valued, bullying, etc, and hypervigilance over inflates possibility, forcing a naturally disassociative personality type to be grounded in the here and now, forced to keep taking in all data, all threats, all social cues that are often just fake because so many folks have broken themselves just a little bit (or a lot) to fit the dominant socio-cultural ideals.  As someone who is not very good with visual or auditory manipulations when I broke, along the lines of a schizophrenic break, instead of visual or auditory hallucinations, you end up with somatoform illness, in a way tactile hallucinations, hypersensory by natural exacerbated through trauma in the form of hyper vigilance, what a freaking mess.

Anyhow, right now society can be pretty hostile, unintentionally, to some of the extreme logical thinkers, this is not unsurmountable though, but everything is so obfuscated, we are misinterpreting data as humans being faulty or broken and then try to medicate that difference in an earnest attempt (usually) to help people be happy in their lives, when what we really need to do, and it sounds so simple, but it is not because people are not able to readily identify faulty internalized ways of thinking and like any addiction, because it is, it hijacks your survival mechanisms, uses your own inherent way of thinking to find fault and devalue yourself and makes us think it is a critical part of who we are, when it is really the baggage, insecurity, and inability to communicate with other people.  Internalized self doubt, anger, fear, sadness, and even happiness that others might think in inappropriate (like wistfully smiling at a funeral as your remember a good time instead of the sad moment in the here and now) becomes twisted and warped when social creatures cannot use each other as sounding boards. Remember, no one person can take in all the data about object reality, much of our science can not even directly observe much of the universe, one individual, alone, unable to talk or share, well that world becomes twisted, you misinterpret things constantly, hyper vigilance may take over, or someone like myself may actually train themselves to reflect through body language and facial expressions non-genuine thoughts, someone who seems perfectly comfortable in who they are, but is so far away from that, they do not even realize for over 30 years, even with studying the subject casually but frequently, that they are autistic. I am thankful I broke compassionate, I took the martyr approach which seems very natural to me and internalized the harm, self punishment instead of harming others even when my repressed feelings exploded in irrational anger and rage, it was directed as I got older not at others save to push them away, the punishment came from myself to myself.

So, our success, as a species is a combination of being able to individually observe and infer from objective reality a subjective experience in the form of abstract thought.  But, it is brought to its greatest potential when we all room for all of our different ways of thinking to find joy and meaning in their endeavors, and not just be slaves to the grind because we have to subsist in a rigid system, that has many benefits too, just has failed to make enough room for everyone.  Ayn Rand was an empiricist, she saw honest benefit to humanity in her work, and I am repulsed viscerally by the notion of it. I do not de-value her thoughts, especially with her background and trials and tribulations.  But her ideal world, where progress and harmony seem to work like clockwork with noble producers, is a horrifying nightmarish hellscape to me. So how do we get past these impasses? Communication, and to do that an individual has to know their own inherent way of thinking and how it applies to their socio-cultural understandings, and then one needs the basic context on the person they are trying to communicate with, their culture and how they approach understanding object reality, we are all unique, even small variations in commonly seen mental operating systems combined with unique life experience makes it impossible to know everything about another, but if you know someone is logical or empirical, if they favor extroversion or introversion (good idea on where to have a meet and greet, a vibrant occasion or a subtle dinner for example), if they are prospecting (cautious/analytical thinkers) or judging (decisive thinkers), and even some other things, like if they are decent with visual data, then charts and graphs are a good thing (I can read, but I can’t remember what the heck they look like or how the data was visually recorded, I have to break it down mentally and translate it, so charts not a great way to sell me, personally an idea or show data, I would prefer to just read it or hear it verbalized).  Anyhow, we must make room for everyone, to prevent anyone from having to live in a dystopia, and my life has been an experience in dystopia, unwitting, unplanned, it crept up on us, the trauma sometimes outpacing progress, and right now, rightly so, I fear for the current cycle of trauma starting in earnest as people scream to be heard by those who cannot hear what they are saying, because with so many false dichotomies, with faulty context on how individuals and entire cultures think and view object reality, we cannot communicate right, we cannot hear each other, instead we hear the internalized ideals, that when someone like me points out flaws readily apparent too me, that I am attacking or de-valuing you, in my case it is the opposite, I want you to be successful, and if I can share some thoughts now that will prevent heartache or failure for you in the future, it would be immoral to me to not to try and share it, if I can. Sadly, I keep stretching myself too thin, my sense of urgency is too great, I am desperate for feedback, for validation, for rigorous debate, because humanity has to find it’s context, holism from the anthropological perspective cannot be just a pipedream, we must progress, strive, and dare to find out personal context and context as a species, and when we do, it is a whole new ballgame folks, it could be something truly wonderful. Hope is not yet lost, but we are in exciting but dark times, fighting for a voice, fighting for space, fighting for understanding, when we have to stop fighting long enough to listen, to at least attempt to understand and forgive, as well as forgive ourselves.  We must be able to trust each other again, to understand we are of the same species, that we are social creatures (some more than others) who do our best, only when we work together and stop de-valuing difference.

I have to take the kiddo to the pumpkin festival, or else I would edit this better, hope I did not miss too many connecting thoughts.


2 thoughts on “This was almost a facebook post…oops, too much

  1. It’s going to be finish of mine day, but before end I am reading
    this impressive article to improve my experience.


    • I would be interested in how that worked for you, I am intrigued as to how your thoughts are approaching the topics I am discussing, so feel free to come back and update me if you like, I always appreciate feedback, debate, or just a nice warm fuzzy from a little validation.


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